Running in Texas

It's hot here in Texas, um, it's not really but it's hot for me. I went running tonight in 85 degree heat. I just bought a water bottle belt to keep hydrated, and I used it extensively, but dang was I running slow. While technically my longest workout with Nike+, 40 minutes, I barely cleared two miles. I usually do two and a half in 35 minutes. Best thing about the belt is that it holds my key and ipod so I'm jogging hands free again.

Watched "Venus Wars" when I got back, after a shower and dinner, and it was excellent. Made in '89 the animation still stood up and the story was great! I thought I had seen it before but I think I had it confused with a different movie. Would recommend to anybody interested in anime. I've noticed a couple different anime titles that have strong women and strong women's rights, and I wonder if their culture is advanced as their media. I know pockets of US media that are way ahead of US culture, so I wonder if this is similar or if Japan is ahead of us in women's equality.

I doubt it, but then again we're not exactly doing a great job here in the States either. Compared to some backwards countries we're light years ahead, and we make progress in equality every decade but things could be much much better.

Silent Hill 3

Silent Hill 3 play through party in Austin, Texas was great. Lobos from Descendants of Erdrick has a live feed as he plays through games, and I just happened to be there this time. The game was decently creepy, which I found surprising as there were 6+ people joking and talking and we had the brightness turned up all the way so the web viewers could actually see what was going on. The sounds were probably the most disturbing. I'd like to play 2, and Shattered Dreams now, but where will I get the time? There are so many different things I'd like to do.

Texas is amazing. The weather has been perfect everyday since I've arrived. Maybe a tad on the hot side during the day, which doesn't bode well for me, as it is mid-April and hasn't gotten "hot" yet. The nights are wonderful, mid-70's and a mild breeze, that wafts the nature smell into our apartment complex. Everything is alive here, in Michigan I suppose everything is alive there too, but still dormant. The trees are still bear, the grass is still brown but quickly gaining color everyday. Here everything is already green and already has leaves.

I've also heard back from three companies now! Two form letters saying my resume was received, which is more than what I got back in MI, and one company telling me to apply to all of their departments because they're looking for a math/physics minded person and have many departments that could use me!! Since this is my first week of job searching here, I have my doubts any of these will go anywhere, but it's so exciting just to have so much feedback. I'm cautiously optimistic that I'll be employed soon.

Crying is wonderful III

I recently watched the last episode of "Lost." I've watched the entire series in 14 days.

24+24+22+14+17+17 = 118 episodes * 45min = 5310 min / 60 = 88.5 hours / 14 days = 6 hours and 20 minutes of "Lost" every day, or just under 8 and a half episodes a day. I like watching entire series at a time so the entire story is fresh in my mind, call backs are easily remembered and plot lines that are dropped for five episodes are recalled without surprise or loss of interest.

I highly recommend this style of viewing for "Arrested Development" as there is a large amount of running gags and continuing jokes, some take three episodes to pay off. While great while watching them back to back, I think a weekly viewer may have time connecting all the dots.

While I would recommend "Arrested Development" to anyone at even a episode every other day pace I don't think I'd do so for "Lost." I had a lot of problems with "Lost" the science was awful, almost unwatchable at some parts, even with accounting the fantasy elements. I hated just about every character at one point in the series, which I actually think means they were full, flawed, wonderful characters, but sometimes hard to watch when I hated most of the main characters. Season 4 was my least favorite, but I think acted as a primer for rest of series, but it seems like season four was an accidental primer and seasons 5 and 6 saved what would otherwise be a completely awful four.

Anyway the last episode was amazing. I don't think it was even that well done, but it pulled on all my heartstrings, not a particularly hard feat, but very enjoyable nonetheless. I cried the last fifteen minutes. With all the craziness that happens throughout the series I'm not sure how it could have been wrapped up better, but I look forward to discussing things with others who have watched the series, all at once like myself, and as it was airing. I wonder how peoples perspectives change depending on the viewing style.

Crying is wonderful II

Truly, I cry to much, but crying is wonderful.

My 18 year old cat started having seizures. She's lived a long full life, and even now her, almost definite, brain tumor doesn't seem to bother her much. Last night she was mewing loudly, and I found her standing in a doorway, convulsing and meowing. What could I do but pet her, she doesn't like being held, so I could only stoop down next her and pet her. I foolishly asked her what was wrong and what could I do to help. She looked at me and I could tell she was so scared, so confused as to what was happening to her. I tried to explain, but the tears were obscuring my view of her. As she wandered around the house aimlessly my stomach knotted up as the sadness worked it's way down my body. Eventually we made our way over to our couch, where I collapsed in pain and Kristy jumped up on my chest and looked at me with those scared eyes. I cried for a long time while she slept on my chest.

This was the awful hurtful crying, the kind that doesn't end when the movie does, the kind that no matter how hard I try I can't stop the pain. That I feel the emotion so intensely not only does it affect my eyes but my whole body. I think this is the most wonderful crying of all, to care for something so deeply that mind and body react in concert, that they are so completely synchronized that they effect each other completely. Petting Kristy had a small but steady calming effect, while each new twitch or meow sent daggers to my heart and renewed the dampness on my face and my increasingly wet beard.

Nerd Stuff

Hung out with Kyle and Tucker, as per usual for a Tuesday night. Settlers of Catan, three person euchre and some classic conversations were had. Truly good people.

Magic the Gathering today, Kyle and I split two matches in our 16 deck CUBE tournament. So far he is crushing me overall.

Dinner with the Kannon's at Red Robin. Veggie "5 Alarm" burger and shared Onion Tower were very good, but put me way over my calories for the day.

Texas looms in my future. I haven't prepared but there is still time to get things done, and to do things right. I'm excited but worried about all the responsibilities, I'm a 15 year old in a 27 year old body. I'm also not worried, once the responsibilities are realized and not nebulous future mountains I'll handle them all effectively. I always do, but it's still a little scary, I'm not used to risk. Just like public speaking where I'm flustered and sweating before the event, and totally ride my adrenaline and crowd energy and power though the presentation once I'm talking.

Running

Been running more lately. I forgot how badly I suck at running. Surely I remember a time where running was easy and fun, where I ran for miles at a time. This is no longer the case. It's amazing what even a year can do to your body. I let myself go, and went off the deep end. Any way race to ONE MILLION!

14.5 miles = 7 runs

ONE MILLION millimeters = .62 miles, I run this every day I run
ONE MILLION centimeters = 10k or 6.2 miles, I knock this out over a span of three runs
ONE MILLION inches = 15.7 miles, I'm almost there
ONE MILLION decimeters = 100k or 62.1 miles, Average Americans drive half of this every day
ONE MILLION feet = 189.4 miles, Average Americans drive this in 6 days

ONE MILLION meters = 1,000k or 621.4 miles, or about the driving distance from New York to Detroit. If a person ran a 5k every other day, it would still take them over a year to run this distance.

ONE MILLION kilometers = 621,371 miles, No runner will ever achieve this goal, a person running everyday for 70 years would have to put in at least 24 miles every day. This distance is greater than running to the moon and back! (477,714 miles)

Run to the MOOOON! = 238,857 miles, Even the much shorter distance for a one way trip to the moon would require the 70 year runner to average over 9 miles a day. *sigh*

ONE MILLION miles! Equally impossible as 1,000,000k, the 70 year runner would now have to run just over 39 miles every day. This is an interesting number though, over the course of a 70 year life if you do something at least 40 times a day you will do that activity a million times!! I think about reading, If on average I read 40 pages a day, I could potentially read one million pages. The average American driver, will fall well short of the 1,000,000 milestone if they drive for 70 years, assuming 12,000 miles a year. Even assuming 13,000 miles a year, the driver falls almost 100,000 miles short. Fifteen thousand miles a year just barely does it, coming in at 1,050,000 miles

Crying is wonderful

I'm not sure I can even call it crying, my eyes water, there is an unmistakable ache in my heart, but like a roller coaster there is no danger, the adrenaline produced artificially. On the few occasions -when my mom had to pick me up from jail, when my friend's dad died, the many times I've loved people at the wrong time- I've actually cried it has been a horrible experience. I had no control over the tears, I didn't want to cry more, I wanted to stop crying. My heart hurt so much I thought I would die. Whoever said that words couldn't hurt them had never been hurt by words. Emotions hurt, physically. Emotions heal, physically too, sometimes the same ones that hurt. Everything in moderation, a lesson I know but never quite learned.

I blame my lack of will power on addiction, but I think I actually am addicted to cigarettes, one of my many "addictions." How does this life lesson continue to escape me? It seems to be that people can know things, know for a certain truth, and ignore them. Patients with lung cancer that still smoke, people that know about the horrors of the meat industry but continue to eat fast food, obese people that continue eating desserts and living a sedentary life. While I've quit smoking and haven't had lung cancer yet, I am/was all of these people. One hundred pounds overweight, and I still have dessert more days than I go to the gym. I hate myself but that's not new, makes it hard to find a job or a girlfriend, and I know that too. Self-confidence would probably yield both in short order. I'm not a terrible person, I'm just a person. Educated well enough to be a fine engineer and have enough sense to be pleasant conversationalist. I know this, yet somehow lack confidence.

I've often thought about the disparities between knowing and believing. It's what makes humans great, it's what makes humans human. To take in information, know it, and then check that against all the other information you have for validity. It's odd how that mechanism breaks. I know I'm not terrible but I can't stop believing it even when friends tell me how great I am, but the same mechanism lets me know evolution is a fact, no matter how hard ignorant people try to argue against it. Maybe debating abortion is a better example. Pro-life and pro-choice arguments both have valid points, while I am pro-choice and will fiercely defend that right, I can understand the logic behind the pro-life position, and even agree with many pro-life ideas. None of which changes where I come down on the issue, which isn't to say that debate couldn't change my mind. I was pro-life many years ago, did a lot of research, had a lot of debates and finally arrived where I am now, but I can know, understand, and agree with pro-life sentiments and still believe that pro-choice is the correct approach to abortion. This is where the knowing/believing mechanism works wonders, to be able to see and respect both sides of the coin, while knowing which way you want to see it land.